Short Script: Dead Tired

Scene 1

Claire: And why were you making that face when I told Joyce and Brent about what happened to me at work.

Ben: Because it was embarrassing

Claire: They're my friends I'm sure they don't care

Ben: And it was also boring

[Car pulls into park]

Claire: Oh and your story about how you once sold a pair of shoes to Jimmy Barnes is so much more compelling

Ben: Hey! We connected... he mentions me in his latest album

Claire: Oh name one song where he refers to anyone by the name of Ben

[They begin taking bags out of the boot]

Ben: Well... no great songwriter would mention anyone by name

Claire: Oh how convenient, don't forget to shut the boot

Ben: Yeah, yeah...

[They continue bickering while camera focuses on the open boot]

[Title Card]

Scene 2

[Ben opens the boot to discover a body with a head-shot wound]

Ben: Whoa

Claire: [Rolls eyes] What?

[Claire walks to the boot and looks down]

Claire: Whoa

[The couple close the boot and sit on the boot]

Claire: Ben

Ben: Yes?

Claire: Are you secretly killing people and stuffing them in our car boot at night?

Ben: No

Claire: Maybe he’s gone

Ben: Hmmm

[The couple re-opens the boot to discover the corpse is still there]

Claire: Ok we just hand it in to the nearest police station

Ben: What! This isn’t some lost handbag; you can’t just drop off something like this

Claire: We will just explain that you left our boot open and we came back to discover this body.

Ben: You want to drive to the police station with a dead body in the boot of the car and explain how we just found it there

Claire: Fine [Pause] we just have to get rid of it

Ben: How?

Claire: [Angrily] I don’t know we will just have to put him in the back and drive him someplace like we’re a Taxi service.

Ben: [Equally as angry] You can’t just prop him up in the back he has a hole straight through his head

Claire: Well… we will put a hat on him

[Transition to Ben and Claire staring down at the backseat]

Ben: Good?

Claire: The sombrero is a bit much

[Brief shot of the body wearing a sombrero]

Ben: Better?

[Brief shot of the body wearing a Fedora]

Claire: You know with that hat on he kinda looks like my father

Ben: Nah, he needs a whisky bottle in his hand

[Claire shoots Ben a Death Stare]

Scene 3

[We rejoin the couple driving]

Ben: [Slightly hysterical] What are we going to do?

Claire: Don't Panic!

Ben: [Very hysterical] Don't Panic, we have a dead body in the backseat and we've been around this round-about 5 times already

Claire: Then take the next left, do you want to get caught!

Ben: [Tearily] Don't yell at me

Claire: Don't you dare cry

Ben: I'm not its just a highly stressful environment

[They pass a Myer store]

Claire: You know with that hat he looks a lot like a mannequin

[The couple look at each other]

Scene 4

[The couple sneak into Myer and attempt to dress the body in the shop window]

Claire: This would never would have happened if you listened to me for once in your life

Ben: That's not true I always listen.... you said you liked the Cure so I bought you their greatest hits for Christmas

Claire: I said I liked the Clash, I hate the Cure

Ben: Oh come on what about Boys Don't Cry

Claire: Well judging from your performance in the car before clearly they do cry

Ben: Low blow

[A clerk walks over to re-dress the mannequins]

Clerk: Hey what are you doing?

Ben: Shit! It's the fashion police!

[They grab the corpse and run back to the car, quickly shoving the corpse on the backseat and driving off]

[The clerk stands still eventually walks to the phone]

Clerk: Yes security, someone just stole a mannequin

Scene 5

[The couple speed away]

Ben: Woah that was close

Claire: [Smiling] We've still got this stupid corpse though. [Looks back] Ben... where is the corpse

Ben: Frak! The fashion police must have got him

Claire: You didn't shut the door properly AGAIN! Pull over

[The corpse has fallen out of the car, down a hill and into the river]

[The couple make their way down to the river to discover the corpse floating]

Ben: Maybe if we throw a big enough rock on him, he will sink

Claire: That's just dumb enough to work

Scene 6

[We switch to two men in a parking lot]

Boss: So explain to me what you did with the body again?

Grunt: Well naturally after I whacked him I needed to move the body

Boss: Naturally

Grunt: So being board daylight I of course hid it as quickly as I could

Boss: Of course

Grunt: So I stuffed him in this car I found with an open boot, some people are so careless these days a thief could have stolen a number of items from their boot

Boss: See this is where your planning falls apart. WHERE IS THE FUCKING CAR?

Grunt: Well it's gone now

Boss: Why the fuck didn't stick around and watch it?

Grunt: I got thirsty

Boss: So how are we meant to retrieve this body?

Grunt: Oh I took down the rego I'm not a complete idiot

Boss: No just a dead one [Begins making a phone call]

Grunt: Who you calling?

Boss: Le Fixateur

Scene 7

[We return to the couple attempting to throw large rocks at the body]

Claire: This isn't working let's just fish him out

Ben: I've been thinking we should name him

Claire: Yeah I've started to grow attached to him

Ben: How about Fred?

Claire: That's a terrible name, thank god I'm never having children with you

Ben: Why not?

Claire: It's not really working out

[Ben looks visibly hurt]

Claire: Fred sounds fine

[Fred has been fished out of the river]

Claire: Let's take him home and dry him

[As they walk off Ben picks up a nice looking rock and puts it in his pocket]

Scene 8

[They dry the corpse off with hairdryers, which takes several hours]

Ben: What are we going to do we're running out of time?

Claire: [Smirking] There's a time limit? Fine let's just put him in the rubbish bin it

[The couple sneak the body out to the bins, it is now visibly dark]

Ben: Fred doesn't fit

Claire: Then let's cut him up until he fits

Ben: [Shocked] How could you even think of doing that to Fred?

Claire: [Angrily] Look... [Suddenly a taxi drops someone (Le Fixateur) off one the other side of the road]

[The couple look at each other and run to the taxi]

Ben: Mate can you drop our friend off he's had a bit too much to drink

Claire: Yeah he's 'dead' drunk

[Ben grabs her mouth]

Ben: No he's not dead anything... he's just drunk

Cab Driver: So where?

Ben: Where what?

Cab Driver: Where do you want me to take him? Where does he live?

Ben: Oh you know where ever, just surprise him

[Ben pays the cab driver and taxi along with Fred drives off]

Scene 9

[The couple walk back into their apartment to find a man looking through their CD collection, he sees them and points his gun at them]

Le Fixateur: Good evening I'm here to retrieve the body you stole from my benefactors

[Both put their hands up]

Claire: We got rid of the body so there's no need

Le Fixateur: Well that was awfully nice of you but I was contracted to get rid of three bodies and I hate to disappoint

Claire: Not fair

Ben: Claire... Monday you can fall apart, Tuesday Wednesday break my heart, Thursday doesn’t even start, It’s Friday I’m in love.

Claire: Wow that was actually kind of romantic

Le Fixateur: Are you kidding me, he stole those lines from a Cure song? Look you even own the album [Starts searching through the CD's]

[Ben uses this opportunity to throw the rock from the river at his head. Killing him stone dead]

[Both walk towards the body and bend down]

Claire: [Both look at each other] I'll call a cab

[End]