Aaron stood in the rain soaking to death, he had long forgotten why he was standing but was compelled to walk forward to the door. As he approached the door his hands began to tremble with anticipation. Slowly he turned the door knob and the door creaked open letting in a blazingly cold wind. He did not try to dry himself or take off his coat, Aaron just walk forward towards the kitchen. A woman was sitting at the table reading a magazine, Aaron slowly snuck behind her. He lifted his hand and touched her on the shoulder and whispered, “Honey I forget the milk.”
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Very intriguing little piece. Structure to this: Outside Vs. inside. As writing is often about contrast, perhaps you could have a fireplace on inside? Cold Vs. Heat. In stories / films, the best way to make someone FEEL is to give them the opposite first. Eg. Have the Lady sitting laughing at something so that when Aaron enters, there is a "state of place" a feeling in the air. That feeling is up to you, but think of the opposite first as it should illuminate what you're actually going for. And it's FEELING and EMOTION that's going to grab our attention (over any kind of spectacle). I know I'm being esoteric, but his is a nice piece.
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